Being a foster family is hard. I knew it would be hard to say good-bye to a child we loved, but I didn’t realize the other struggles we would have while we fostered.

Was it worth it?

ABSOLUTELY! I get to be mama to my two precious boys and saw a sweet baby girl reunited with a dad that adores her.

I’m thankful for friends and family that made the journey a little easier.

If you are not being called to become a foster parent, there are still MANY ways that you can support foster families. In fact, caring for foster families is a ministry itself.

It can be hard to know how to help, so I asked some friends that are fostering what they would find helpful. Here is what they shared:

“For me, the best way someone can support our family in foster care, is to ask how they can help. We go through peaks and valleys. Sometimes I may need help with childcare, other times I may need help running to the grocery store for laundry detergent. It feels so supportive to just be asked.”

“Text/email/phone to see how the family is doing and offer to help if they have a need.”

“Give us space but keep us close. Parenting isn’t a walk in the park in any case, but fostering is a ministry that the entire bio family is intimately involved in, not just the parents, and so requires support from the larger community, especially the church. My family has the ability to do this work because God enables us to do it, but it does get pretty heavy sometimes, and many days it feels like we’re alone. I know people have their own lives and I don’t want to be a burden, but it would be refreshing if they showed their friendship and support in tangible ways on a regular basis without feeling the need to judge our parenting or our kids for their-or their bio parent’s-behavior. Just walk with us.”

Do you know a foster family? Here is a list of 10 practical ways you can care for them:

10 Ways You Can Care for Foster Families:

Ask how they are doing? 

Foster care can be a lonely road. Someone simply asking ‘how you are doing?’, can help it feel less lonely. In fact, when we were preparing for our adoption party, we sent invitations to anyone that had simply asked ‘how we are doing?’ That simple act showed us they cared.

Listen.

With foster care comes a roller coaster of emotions and foster parents sometimes need to process all the emotions they are dealing with. It helps having a friend that laughs, cries, and celebrates with you.

Bring them a meal.

The evening our boys joined our family, one of our friends brought us dinner. It was such a relief to know dinner was taken care of, so we could focus on caring for and welcoming our little guys.

Offer to watch their kids so they can have a date night.

They may not choose to take you up on it because of the needs of their children, but they will still appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Bring supplies.

Children arrive in foster homes all hours of the day and night, usually with very little. Depending on the age of the child, here are some practical supplies you could bring over to help them with the transition:

• Diapers
• Wipes
• Toothbrushes
• Toothpaste
• Hairbrush
• Clothing
• Backpacks
• School Supplies
• Toys
• Books
• Car Seats
• Beds
• Cribs

Get a list from them and go shopping.

Many times foster parents have only a couple of hours to prepare for a new child to join their family, sometimes even less than that. Offer to go to the store for them to pick-up the supplies they need.

Offer to help clean or help meal prep.

Between visitations, paperwork, doctor visits, and possible therapy appointments, the demands are high on foster families. Helping with normal stuff that keeps a family running smoothly is a huge blessing.

Love their children.

Love their biological children, their children that are only with them for a time, and their adoptive children the same. Until they are reunited or officially adopted, foster children are their children. Foster families are caring for them 24/7, praying for them, celebrating their victories, crying with them, and laughing with them. They are family, please treat them as such.

Offer to be an extra set of hands.

Imagine going to numerous appointments with multiple children, various ages and behaviors, usually with a diaper bag in tow. Then being handed a pile of paperwork to fill out as you try to keep everyone quiet and happy for the next hour and a half. An extra set of hands would definitely be welcomed, and the adult conversation would be refreshing too.

Pray.

The things foster children have gone through and the emotions they are dealing with are more than most of us can imagine. Please cover them in prayer. While you are praying remember to pray for their foster families too, because they are constantly under spiritual attack as well.

If you have friends or loved ones that are currently fostering, thank you for taking the time to read how you can care for them. It’s such a blessing to have people that love us and come alongside us on the journey.

If you’re a foster parent, what would you add to the list?

The post 10 Ways You Can Care for Foster Families appeared first on Many Seasons of Motherhood.

Have you ever received a phone call that forever changed your life? Foster families receive calls that do just that. Our family referred to it as “Getting the Call.”

Once we were finally certified as a foster family, we waited anxiously for “the call.” It’s similar to being 9 months pregnant and wondering every day if “today is the day.” I even had a special ringtone on my phone that played when the agency called. I can’t explain the feeling that would rush over me every time that song played. We would all stop in our tracks, give each other an excited but nervous look, and I would scurry off to talk in private.

We actually said “no” to the first few calls we received.

They were for children near our youngest daughter’s age. We had decided beforehand that we didn’t think a child near her age would be in her best interest. I’m thankful we made some ground rules like that for our family beforehand, because it made the decisions easier. Still, each time we said “no” my heart would hurt and my mind would think about them for days.

We also received a couple calls we said “yes” to that never joined our family.

After saying “yes” to a baby, I hurried to the store to buy a stroller, clothes, and diapers. Then received a call the next day informing us the judge had placed the child back with their family. After that I learned to wait a bit before running to the store.

Then the day finally came when we received the call for our first foster child.

The agency called and shared all the details they knew. Since she was a newborn there wasn’t much information. I quickly called my husband and then called them back to say “Yes.”

This time I waited to go to the store. By the time they called me back I had just enough time to make a quick trip to buy some diapers, baby essentials, and a couple of sleepers.

If you would like to read more about how that sweet little girl touched our lives click here. Her story ended up differently than I had originally hoped, but God is SO GOOD. I’m thankful He knows better than me and does things according to His will and purpose.

The next call we said “yes” to was for 2 little boys.

That call was evidence of God’s timing and faithfulness. Once again we had very little information to go off of. I still have the paper with just a few notes scribbled on it. At the time our family was going through a loss, so I wasn’t sure what my husband would say when I called him. Without hesitation he said, “Yes!”

That phone call was the last placement call we received from our agency. Nearly a year later those 2 precious little boys we said “Yes” to became forever our sons. Their lives and our lives were forever changed by a simple phone call and a step of faith.

Are you considering becoming a foster family? Here are a couple of things to keep in mind about getting “the call”:

• Talk and decide beforehand what ages you are willing to take.
• Many times calls are for sibling groups. Discuss beforehand if you’ll accept sibling groups and if so determine how large the group of siblings can be.
• If possible set a special ringtone and keep your phone turned up.
• Come up with a plan as a family about how you will handle getting “the call.” For our family, our children were old enough to stay occupied. They knew when the special ringtone played to be quiet and safe for 10-20 minutes, while I took the call, prayed, and contacted their Dad.
• As I mentioned before, usually you will not get much information beforehand. However, it helps to have a list of questions to ask your agency or caseworker when you get the call. Consider these:
  • What county are they from? Our agency worked with several counties and each county handled things differently. Once we had some experience being foster parents we realized how helpful this was to know. I don’t think it would have changed our decisions, but it would have prepared us better.
  • Is this their first placement?
  • Do they have other siblings?
• Try to have paper and something to write with handy. You’re receiving important information and experiencing a lot of feelings. It helps to take notes, especially if you need to relay the information to your spouse.
• It’s ok to say “no” if the child isn’t the right fit for your family. Yes, it’s hard and that child’s story will pull at your heart strings. However, it’s so much better to recognize if it won’t work before the child has a chance to become attached, than to decide a couple months later that it’s not working out. Even if you aren’t the right family for that child, someone will be.
• No matter what your answer is to “the call”, commit to praying for the children you get calls about.

Are you or have you been a foster parent? What would you add to this list of things to consider when getting “the call”?

Are you considering becoming a foster family? Let me know, I would love to pray for you!

The post Getting the Call – What to Expect as a Foster Parent appeared first on Many Seasons of Motherhood.

Foster care was on our hearts for years before we finally started the process. What took so long? Mostly fear…fear of the unknown…fear of falling in love with a child and saying good-bye…fear of not being good enough. When we decided to face those fears head on we still had no idea what to expect. Over the next year, I’ll be sharing a little each month about our journey. If foster care is on your heart, but you too have fears or questions, I hope I can give you an idea of what to expect.

Preparing to Foster – The truth of the matter is you can never be fully prepared. Each child, case, and situation is unique. However, there is a process that you go through to be approved which helps you prepare. I’ll be sharing our approval process, but keep in mind everyone’s experience varies somewhat. I should also mention that we went through a foster care agency.

What to Expect:

• Paperwork and then more paperwork –

We filled out general information about ourselves and our children, financial worksheets, shared past tax documents, birth certificates, our marriage license, and gave references. Then we were given a lengthy questionnaire asking about our childhood, relationships, parenting styles, etc.

• Training –

We had to have many hours of training before we were even approved to foster. The agency we went through provided it for us. One of the things I really appreciated about the training was going through it with other prospective foster parents. Some were new like us, others had fostered before, and others had been connected to foster care through family. Their insight and questions were very valuable.

• During training you learn about what is expected of foster parents, such as paperwork and the care you provide.
• We watched videos that helped us understand what the world of foster care is like from the eyes of a child.
• You’ll also hear different scenarios and be given ideas of how to handle them.
• We were given plenty of opportunities to ask questions and always had them answered.
• Training prepared us for what to expect when we received “the call.”
• Foster parents are required to have a certain amount of training hours every year and there are plenty of opportunities to learn more.
• We had first aid and CPR training/certification as well.

• Fingerprints and Background Checks –

We had fingerprints and background checks.

• Inspection –

There should be a home inspection. This probably stressed me out more than anything. Looking back now it shouldn’t have, but I guess I felt like it was a test we had to pass. Our agency provided us with a check sheet, which helped us go through and make sure we had everything we should. Thanks to that check sheet when they came for the home inspection we had no problems.

• Interviews –

A home study will be completed during the process to becoming a certified foster family. My husband and I were interviewed together and separately, basically going over the questionnaires we had submitted earlier. Our children were also interviewed separately. That probably sounds intimidating but it wasn’t. It just gives the person completing the home study an idea of who you are and how your family functions.

I know that sounds like a lot and I hope I haven’t scared you away from fostering. Keep in mind, we started the paperwork in January and were certified in May. So even if it seems like a lot it doesn’t happen instantly. It is a process and takes time. I would also add that I’m thankful for the hours of training and how thorough the approval process is.

If you are feeling called to foster, I would encourage you to follow that calling. God has changed my heart and my family forever through it. I’ve also been blessed beyond my imagination with 2 precious little boys because we finally obeyed the calling God had put on our hearts years ago. You are welcome to email me; I would love to pray for you and answer questions you might have.

If you are a foster parent, is there anything you would add to help others know what to expect during the certification process?

The post Preparing to Foster – What to Expect appeared first on Many Seasons of Motherhood.

One of my fears as a mom that has adopted is that my children will ever feel like they weren’t wanted.

I know I can’t protect them from the range of emotions they will most likely feel one day. I hope they will let me walk through those big emotions with them and understand I have always wanted them.

From the first day we met, I wanted them to be my sons.

As I held them in my arms, I knew I wanted to protect them.

Hearing our toddler squeal with delight as he played with my husband; seeing the baby cradled in his arms, I wanted them to have him as their daddy.

Watching my big kids excitement over everything they did, I wanted them to have them as their older siblings forever.

Before they ever scraped their knees, I wanted to be the one to pick them up and make it better.

I wanted to be their mommy.

Wanting something to happen though, doesn’t mean it will happen. In the foster system there is a process and as a foster parent you have no control over that process. So our year of waiting and praying began.

That year was full of home visits, meetings, court dates, doctor check-ups, paperwork, and visitations. (We actually didn’t have many visitations but the couple we had were still hard.) Amongst all of that, life went on as “normal” for our new family. Everyday we loved and wanted these boys more. I prayed and learned to trust God and His plan more than any other time in my life.

Finally after a year, we sat in a courtroom full of family and friends.

We heard our boys’ new names read out loud and were legally made a family. I cannot begin to explain the sheer joy I felt that day. In my heart they had been my sons for a year, but now I knew that wouldn’t change. They would always be my sons and I would always be their mommy.

If anyone thinks adopted children are unwanted, let me assure you that is simply not the case.

Of course, I’m not the only one who hoped for our boys. I watched my husband love them unconditionally and have patience with them like I had never seen before all because he wanted them. After feeling the pain of saying goodbye to a baby they loved, I witnessed our older children open their hearts freely to love their baby brothers. It doesn’t end there though. Extended family members who had just walked through the last chapter in our foster story, willingly opened their hearts and arms to our boys. Friends asked how things were going and prayed for our family. Our boys are wanted.

Since adopting our sons, it has truly sunk in what it means to be an adopted child of God. If you are a Christian and have ever questioned how God could love you like His own, let me assure you He does. You are His. Chosen, wanted, and adopted as His child. You are loved.

The post Adopted = Wanted – The Truth About Adoption appeared first on Many Seasons of Motherhood.

Our fostering journey started 6 years before we even took the first step to be certified, when we witnessed another family foster/adopt their first son. Adoption had been on our hearts since we dated, but this was the first we had ever heard of foster adoption. For 6 years we wrestled with God over the possibility but always talked ourselves out of it because of fear. The fear of falling in love with a child and having them taken away. Eventually we put our fear aside long enough to meet with an agency. As we left that meeting, paperwork in hand to be filled out, my husband shared with me that he didn’t think our daughters or I could handle the heartbreak of a goodbye. So once again we waited. In fact we waited a year. Then out of the blue, he brought it back up and we started the process.

Fast forward 8 months…

We finally had our first placement. She was only 2 days old and tiny as could be. She was even smaller than my daughter’s baby doll. As I held her that first night, my heart hurt for the family that should be holding this beautiful baby girl.

However, by the next night I felt differently. To put it simply, fostering is an emotional roller coaster with a wide range of emotions sometimes changing day to day, moment by moment.

By the second night, this sweet baby was going through withdrawal. The 15 minutes I slept that night were on the ground next to her crib. At that moment I decided this baby girl needed a mama and I would be that mama.

Over the next couple of months, we all loved her more everyday. Gracie (that was the nickname we gave her) was our daughter and our kids’ little sister. Months had gone by with no visits and we were hopeful we could adopt her.

Then we got the call that her dad was coming to town and wanted to visit her.

Selfishly my heart was breaking while I loaded her in the car for that first visit. As I drove to the visitation center, I was listening to the radio, when “Give Me Your Eyes” by Brandon Heath came on. Which of course started my ugly cry as God worked on my heart to see her dad as He sees him. As if that wasn’t enough, the next song that came on was “That Was Then, This Is Now” by Josh Wilson. My mind of course was thinking about how God could have changed this man’s life. Then God revealed to my heart how He was changing me and our family. We weren’t the same people we were a year ago. God was using all of this to change us to love like Him. I pulled into the parking lot, wiped the tears and snot away, and got Gracie out of her car seat.

I can only imagine what a mess I must have looked like as I walked into the visitation center.

Then I saw him, a young man leaning forward in a chair, wringing his hands nervously. He looked like an excited, anxious dad waiting for the birth of his child. I couldn’t help but call out to him how perfect she was and his face beamed like a proud father.

There were a couple more visits over the next few months, but we went on loving Gracie as our own.

If there is a way to care for a child 24/7 and not love them as your own, I have failed to learn it. I visited briefly with her dad at the visits that followed the first one. He was humble, grateful, and obviously loved his daughter. My heart was torn. Our family wanted to love this little girl forever, but at the same time I didn’t want to take her from him. I’m telling you, the myriad of emotions you feel while fostering is huge.

Getting the call(s)…

She was 5 months old the day we got the call that she would soon be leaving our family to reunite with her dad. Yet, God in His perfect grace made that day a precious memory as well. Just hours later we got a call about 2 baby boys that needed a family. Those 2 baby boys are now forever part of our family. Words cannot explain the overwhelming love we have for them.

The night before Gracie’s reunification, we set as a family in the nursery and prayed over her and her dad.

The tears and love flowed from all of us. When we opened our eyes at the end of our prayer, there in the middle of our circle was sweet Matthew looking at all of us like we were crazy. In unison our family burst out in laughter.

The next day we took Gracie to her dad. He was thrilled to be starting a new life with his daughter, yet gracious and kind to us. As my husband and I drove home that day we were overcome by God’s peace. Not that we didn’t miss her and it didn’t hurt, but that she was exactly where she was supposed to be.

The story doesn’t end there though.

Her dad ended up reaching out to us and we are friends on Facebook. We have the privilege of getting to watch her grow up. She is loved by many and he is doing an incredible job. Our entire family even went to the zoo with them when they were in town. It was a gift to see her again and our older children were delighted to get to meet her dad. His kindness has been such a blessing to our family and a big part of the healing.

Now looking back, all I can do is praise God.

He took our biggest fear of saying goodbye to a child we loved and used it to teach us to trust Him, to lean on Him, and to love others. God healed our hearts, answered our prayers for Gracie, and blessed us beyond measure with our precious boys. He is faithful!

Have you considered foster care and/or adoption? Don’t let fear keep you from God’s abundant blessings.

The post Saying Goodbye – Our Fostering Journey appeared first on Many Seasons of Motherhood.